Texas, Oh Texas

[Lupe]

Here is what Pinche Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas ...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas ;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas ;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas ;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas .

Need to be cheered up?

Happy, Texas 79042
Pep , Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?

Sun City , Texas 78628
Sunrise , Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray , Texas 79086
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

Bacon , Texas 76301
Noodle , Texas 79536
Oatmeal , Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land , Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice , Texas 75155
And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Klondike , Texas 75448
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Reno , Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane ticket!

Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Ireland , Texas 76538
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460

No need to travel to Washington D.C.

Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!

Earth , Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!

Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?

Energy , Texas 76452

Cold?

Blanket , Texas 76432

Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

Santa Anna , Texas

Goliad , Texas

Alamo , Texas

Gun Barrel City, Texas

Robert lee, Texas

Need Office Supplies?

Staples, Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus , Texas 76084

You guessed it..it's on the state line..

Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...

Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester , Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile.....

Frognot , Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye , Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box , Texas 77853
Old Dime Box , Texas 77853
Telephone , Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Whiteface , Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

Kilgore , Texas 75662

And our favorites...

Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas 75156
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Muleshoe , Texas

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles

2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles

3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.

5.. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.

6. The Heisman Trophy ws named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.

10. The worst natural disaster in U.S . history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .

11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ' Houston .'

12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43' in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak (known as Big Tree) near Fulton is estimated to be over 1000 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).

20. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .

21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).

22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :

(1) Just one God.

(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.

(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.

(5) Put nothin' before God.

(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal...

(7) No killin'.

(8 ) Watch yer mouth.

(9) Don't take what ain't yers.

(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's kinda plain an' simple don'tcha think?

[Dorella Allerod]

YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.

[Dorella Allerod]

WELCOME TO TEXAS!
Written by a 'Northerner'

Dear Diary:

June 10th:
Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to
live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a
place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it
here!

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a
sun worshiper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the
lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people
get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over
60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a
climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had
died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped
like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Bits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it's hot... hotter than one could imagine! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000
house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why
did I ever come here?!

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state!

Aug. 8th:
If another smart-aleck says, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to strangle him... Stinking heat! By the time I get to work,
the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I
smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I
sat on the seat in the car, I thought I was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs... Now my car smells like burnt hair, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a stinking recording. Hot and
sunny... Hot and sunny... Hot and sunny... It's been too hot to do
anything for 2 lousy months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this sorry state?
Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will
just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this blasted heat.

Aug.14th:
Welcome to 'HELL!' Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and the heat blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? 'Hot enough for you today?' My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Stinking Texas! Why would anyone want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes...

[Tezal]

That is all great where did you find that? I wonder if they have one similar for Missouri?

[Lupe]

http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=2959

[Dorella Allerod]

Beautiful Flowers

Highway 306 from New Braunfels to Purgatory Road (almost to Canyon Lake)

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000241.jpg

Highway 71 from Austin to Brady

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000155.jpg

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000124.jpg

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000213.jpg

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000276.jpg

http://st-bob.net/pics2/Bluebonnets/ATT000182.jpg

When Texans say don't pick the Bluebonnets, we mean it!

Wow! ;)

And now i remeber why I am leary of many things.

[Lupe]

You're from Texas if....

You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Decatur,
Nacogdoches, Wichita
Falls, San Antonio, MEXIA, Waco, and Amarillo.

You think that people who complain about the
wind in their states are
sissies.
A tornado-warning siren is your signal to go
out in the yard and look for
a funnel.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"
in the same day.

You know that the true value of a parking
space is not determined by the
distance to the door, but by the availability of
shade.

Stores don't have bags they have sacks.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an
accent.

Little Smokies are something you serve only
for special occasions.

You go to the lake because you think it is
like going to the ocean.

You listen to the weather forecast before
picking out an outfit.

You know cow pies are not made of beef.

Someone you know has used a football schedule
to plan his or her wedding
date.

You have known someone who has had one belt
buckle bigger than your fist.

You aren't surprised to find movie rental,
ammunition, and bait all in
the same store.

A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford
F350 4x4 is.

You know everything goes better with Ranch.

Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever
heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr.
Pepper."

[Lupe]

TEXAS

When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like, Do you have any cows?" "Do you have horses?" "Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"

They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched Dallas.

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be.. As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is. It's Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is some little bit of Texas in everyone.

Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas.

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom. We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas.

Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto.

Texas is "Juneteenth" and Texas Independence Day.

Texas is huge! forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest.

Texas is breathtaking mountains in the Big Bend.

Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country.

Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast of South Texas.

Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.

Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork.

Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico.

Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, the Ballpark in Arlington and the Astrodome.

Texas is larger-than-life legends like Michael DeBakey, Denton Cooley, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Tom Landry, Darrell Royal, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan,
Sam Rayburn, George Bush, Lyndon B.Johnson, and George W. Bush.

Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq. And LOCKHEED MARTIN AEROSPACE, Home of the F-16 Jet Fighter and the JSF Fighter.

Texas is NASA.

Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops.

Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer.

Texas is a place where towns and cities shut down to watch the local High School Football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night
Football, and for the Night In Old San Antonio River Parade in San Antonio. Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.

If it isn't in Texas, you probably don't need it.

No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state.

Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here. Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! We included these things as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part, right there.

Texas even has its own power grid!!